Would you believe me if I said our sabbatical officially ended last March? Yes, that’s right. March 2011. So what in the world have been doing since then? Well, I hope to fill in the gaps a bit with this post.
Here’s the deal. When you work in teams, like we do, it just takes longer. Several people talking through and giving feedback, well, there’s lots of meetings which take a lot of time.
That’s one side of the story. The other side is me. Yes, me. I’m going to get a little personal here. Hope you don’t mind. I went through a time during the sabbatical where I felt like God told me to totally let go of Ten Thousand Homes. It was painful. Something that we had built with blood, sweat, and tears, and I had to let it go? It was the hardest, healthiest thing I’ve ever done. God was asking me to totally trust Him with it, to keep my hands and heart open. I knew deep down that I also had to let go of the possibility of going back to Africa or of even having any involvement with TTH whatsoever.
As we began our talks with our team, there were moments where it seemed things weren’t totally lining up and we weren’t on the same page. This is natural, I know (because nothing ever lines up exactly), but it brought frustration on my part. To be away for a year and come back full of energy and excitement for the new things God was brewing only to be met with a little tension? Well, it was enough for me to throw my hands in the air and declare, “I don’t need this.” Not physically, of course, but in my heart.
I thought I was doing a pretty good job of hiding my inner thoughts, but you know those things always come out in some way. Not only were others sensing my terrible attitude, but it was holding us back from moving forward. I didn’t realize that but looking back it was.
In the midst of my pity party, several people asked us to go back and pray. Someone reminded me that things are never always going to line up. It was like a light bulb went off. I know it sounds simple, but it was like a new revelation to me. With that revelation, I was able to hear God clearly again and strip away the frustration and bad attitude that was holding me, holding us back.
I can honestly say that these processes, although never fun, bring a depth that I always treasure. May I never think that I have arrived or become unteachable because there is always something to learn. Age or a year in the trenches of sabbatical does not mean I have the know all. I hope you can, indeed, see that I’m getting somewhere here! Thanks for being patient!