fear grips you

I knew I was going to have to face it sooner or later. If I’m honest with myself, I was hoping it would be later. But it wasn’t. It was last week.

If you’ve followed this blog for some time, you might remember that in January of 2009, our home in S. Africa was broken into during the night, while we were sleeping. I felt violated. I felt vulnerable. I felt I wasn’t safe. It was such a difficult thing to walk through as I processed what it meant to walk in fear versus walk in faith.

Fast forward four years. When we made the decision to move back here, I knew, in the back of my head, that I would have to walk through this all over again, because you see, fear has a way of rearing its ugly head, over and over. Since being back, I’ve put security in knowing Jeremy was right beside me every night. As comforting as that is, my security can’t be in him. It has to be in God.

Last week Jeremy was away in Cape Town for several days. I had a few people praying for me in this fear thing, because suddenly my “security” was gone. Not only was he gone, but bad storms rolled in and knocked the power out one night. I wouldn’t say that I’ve come out the other side totally, but I will say that I’m getting closer. I think it started with me admitting to myself and even friends that fear was there and that I needed prayer. It felt vulnerable but getting it out in the open is the first step, I believe, to conquering it.

And conquer it I will, because if left alone, fear grips you. It paralyzes you. It begins to dictate your actions. I don’t want to live in that kind of bondage, so put my faith, security, and trust in God, I will.

Ok, that’s all for my vulnerable confession. Happy Thursday, friends. And Happy Valentine’s Day. 🙂